


Titanic

by Darkwillow6



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, First Time, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-08-20 17:57:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20232001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkwillow6/pseuds/Darkwillow6
Summary: UPDATE: Chapter 2 is the same story from Kelly’s perspective. This is my first time doing this and it was quite challenging.Somehow I made it to the end of game night without drawing attention to the maelstrom of thoughts and feelings I’d been burdened with since first meeting Kelly. When we were out the door, down the stairs, and most of the way to my car, I finally felt like I could breathe. I’d offered to drive tonight. Her proximity in the passenger seat felt different now than it had on the trip here.





	1. Alex

I hadn’t planned to kiss her. The sheer mortification I felt after kissing Maggie for the first time, and being swiftly let down, was not a feeling I ever wanted to recreate. But when Kelly Olsen stood in front of me, sounding so uncertain, I couldn’t think of a better way to provide reassurance. So, I kissed her. More than once. I was convinced that the weight of the wine bottle in my hand and the sound of Brainy’s voice as he passed were the only things tethering me to the reality outside her kiss.

When I first saw her in the hospital, I was stunned silent because I was completely blindsided by the way my body immediately reacted to her. The fact that it was entirely involuntary didn’t make me feel any less guilty about it. I’d never felt something so instantaneous and clear.

That breath-halting, mind-blanking moment, I now know, was a seed being planted. At the time, though, I thought she was straight and I was not about to set myself up for another disappointment. Then, of course, she had to casually mention that she’s into women while simultaneously telling me about the death of the love of her life and to say that I was surprised would be an understatement. But, also, my heart broke for her. 

And she was right. We’d been through so much already. She’d helped me through one of the most devastating challenges of my life all while going through some of her own. One of which was the reason she was even standing in front of me to begin with. The whole thing had me at a loss for what I should be feeling and I suppose I compensated by feeling everything at once. 

“Say something,” I whispered.

She’d pulled back from the kiss an eternity ago and the sound of cars passing on an adjacent street were muffled in the thick silence.

“I thought you did that so I would stop talking,” she replied.

The playful smile on her lips made me want to kiss her again, but we were already late to game night thanks to this completely unforeseen detour. And on top of that, I had to somehow act normal around Kara for the next few hours. Failure seems imminent because I can’t keep this ridiculous smile off of my face even though my cheeks are starting to hurt.

“I wish we didn’t have to go up there,” I said.

She laughed and nudged me to follow when she started walking. Our pace was just as unhurried as before, despite our increasing tardiness.

“Does it really get that competitive?” she asked me, amused by my reluctance.

“No. Well, yes, but that’s not what I mean. I just... If I go up there, Kara’s immediately going to know something is up. I suck at hiding things from her,” I said.

“I know how close you and your sister are, Alex. I don’t expect you to keep things from her,” she replied easily.

“Actually, I don’t want her to know. Not yet. I haven’t even had a chance to ask you out on a date,” I said as we approached the door.

We weren’t able to continue our conversation because Kara opened the door, startling both of us. 

“Finally. Come in. Come in,” Kara said, pulling Kelly’s right arm and my left.

Once we were inside, I deftly tucked away my dread long enough to sneak into the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of scotch as Kelly went to the table to join the others. Kara came into the kitchen as I refilled my glass. 

“Damn. I forgot to ask Kelly if she wanted red or white,” she said mostly to herself as she turned back around.

“Red,” I said, without hesitation.

She stopped abruptly, turning back toward me and heading for the cabinet where she kept the wine glasses. I avoided eye contact, opting to take a satisfying sip of my drink. When she reached for the wine bottle beside me, I topped off my own drink because I’d already managed to say too much. Record time.

I hoped she wouldn’t think anything of it. She already knew Kelly and I had been seeing a lot of each other since her arrival in National City. And, naturally, with James being shot, we were likely to have a few drinks together in that time. I studied her face as discreetly as I could to try to anticipate my next move. So far, she seemed oblivious. I almost sighed out loud in relief.

Then I remembered that Kara probably had no idea about Kelly being interested in women and I wondered if James even knew. He didn’t know about the engagement, but that could have been due to the military aspect more than anything else. 

“Well, come on. You can’t hide in the kitchen all night,” Kara said when she finished pouring.

I followed her to the table and sat down next to James and Brainy. Kara was across from me with Nia beside her and Kelly at the far end of the table. The sound of Kelly’s voice drew my attention as she thanked my sister for the wine. I risked a brief glance in her direction and I had to take a drink to keep myself from staring. The corner of her bottom lip was captive between her teeth as she scanned through the cards in her hand. 

It had been less than fifteen minutes since my lips had actively sought hers and I wasn’t sure how long my mind would be prevented from thinking about anything else. I busied myself with picking up my own pile of cards that was on the table in front of me. Kara felt that Uno was a nice, easy game to acclimate our newest member and I agreed.

“I’m glad you could come, Kelly. I know you have an early flight tomorrow,” Kara said.

Tomorrow? She was going back already? It was way too soon. The expression of disappointment that was taking over my face retreated when she answered.

“Actually... I decided that I’m going to look for work here. In National City. With James always getting himself put in the hospital, I’d feel better being close by. This time was a really close call and I’d never forgive myself if I couldn’t get here,” she said.

James had the same slack jawed expression as me and everyone else in the room. This was news to him, too. She made eye contact with me briefly a second later and the warmth in the smile she gave me latched onto the lingering memory I had of the way her lips tasted.

“Not that I’m not happy about it, but you don’t have to babysit me, sis,” James said.

“Don’t I, though?” she asked, amused.

Somehow I made it to the end of game night without drawing attention to the maelstrom of thoughts and feelings I’d been burdened with since first meeting Kelly. When we were out the door, down the stairs, and most of the way to my car, I finally felt like I could breathe. I’d offered to drive tonight. Her proximity in the passenger seat felt different now than it had on the trip here.

“You know, James isn’t the only reason I’m moving here,” she said as I turned on the engine.

My music was playing at a low volume and I could hear my pounding heart over it. I pulled the car out of the space and started driving because I didn’t know what would come out of my mouth if I had to look at her. The disarming softness in her eyes would be too much with everything else I’d learned tonight.

“Oh, yeah?” I asked.

I knew she could hear the nerves in my passive plea for her to elaborate. In my periphery, I could see that she’d turned her head to face me. I felt her hand on my knee and it took all of the concentration I had left to reign in my reaction.

“Alex, I wasn’t exaggerating my feelings for you. I can’t just fly back to another state tomorrow and live my life knowing what it feels like to kiss you. And I don’t want to do long distance. Of course I’m making a lot of assumptions about what this is but-“ she said. 

The light was red so I kissed her because I couldn’t bear to hear the doubt again. I needed her to know, and really absorb, what I felt for her.

“Kelly, you know what point I’m at in my life. I’m ready to settle down and have a family. I’m worried that’s going to scare you off. If doesn’t, then we’re off to a great start.”

“Scare me? That sounds perfect,” she said.

“Do you want to watch a movie at my apartment tomorrow night?” I asked.

“What time do you want me there?”

“Seven?”

“Seven,” she repeated, nodding.

I parked the car in a space outside of Kelly’s hotel. James had insisted that she stay at his place for the duration of her visit but his spare bedroom was also his office and she didn’t want to be in the way of his work. Seeing how much she cared about her brother only made me like her more because we both made family a priority.

“Can I walk you up?” I asked. 

“How else are you going to get a proper kiss good night?” she asked, exiting the car.

I was left stunned at her boldness for not the first time and I got out of the car when I remembered how to move. A gust of cold air refreshed me as we walked through the automatic doors. When we got in the elevator, she hit the button for the third floor and took my hand. It was natural yet unexpected. Like everything with her so far. 

Being outside the door to her hotel room was different this time, too. Earlier, I came in and had a drink with her before going to my sister’s place. But just like that, Kelly was more than a friend even if she was less than a girlfriend at the moment. Having a drink with her alone in her room was no longer a platonic endeavor for either of us. 

“So, I know normally I’d invite you in for a little while-“ she began.

Obviously she was a passenger on the same train of thought. Which was why I mercifully interrupted her.

“But it’s different now. I get it,” I said.

She exhaled so deeply that I could see her shoulders relax. My right hand met my left wrist behind her back and I felt better being closer to her. Especially when she smiled and her fingertips traced upward along my arms, coming to rest on my shoulders. 

I couldn’t think of anything to say with the proximity of her body warming me more than the heater blowing down overhead. A second later, I couldn’t speak anyway as my lips were already occupied. Every part of her was pliant and it made it unnervingly easy to sink into the feeling.

While she initiated the kiss this time, there was a passivity in it and I wondered if she, like me, couldn’t figure out how much was too much for right now. Her back was against the still closed door to her room and its unyielding fortitude reminded me to grasp at some of my own and I reluctantly separated myself.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said when I trusted my voice.

“Good night,” she replied.

A tingle of pride worked its way through me at the breathlessness of her response. She kissed me again, quickly, on the cheek before sliding the key card into the door and disappearing behind it. Then I walked, floated more like, back to my car and drove home trying to hold tight to the fleeting sensation of her touches.

“Hey, Alex,” my sister said when she walked into my lab the next day.

I put down the microscope slide I’d just removed and stepped closer to her. 

“Hey, Kara. What’s up?”

“Want to grab some drinks tonight? I found a new place,” she said.

I could feel myself tensing before she’d even finished asking. It was such a delicate situation. Mainly because of James. I needed to at least talk to Kelly about that before anything else, but right now I had to contend with my sister’s expectant expression.

“I can’t,” I said simply, bracing myself for the whine.

“Why not?” she asked, bottom lip pushed out.

“I have plans,” I replied, remaining neutral.

“Like a date?” she asked, stepping closer to me, mouth agape.

“Like none of your business,” I responded, playfully.

I turned back to what I’d been working on because now she was studying me and it was the only thing I could do to escape it. 

“Well, if things go well with your date, you should bring her to game night on Friday,” she said, circling me like a hawk.

Despite my nerves and despite my focus, my unexpected laughter made Kara quick to respond.

“So, just casual then?” she asked.

This time I laughed internally at how badly she’d misunderstood my laugh. It put me at ease because if it wasn’t obvious to her by now, then I had time to figure out exactly how to tell her. The conversation ultimately created more relief than discomfort which was a welcome change of pace.

“Don’t you have lives to save?” I sighed.

“To be continued, then,” she said.

As she walked out with her cape billowing behind her, I checked the clock again. Two more hours of work, then home to shower and change, then sit in a stifling cloud of my own anxiety thinking about all the ways I could screw things up.

At 6:52, Kelly knocked on my door and I was thankful that her punctuality saved me at least eight minutes of self-inflicted mental torture. 

“Come in,” I said, trying not to sound as nervous as I was.

Generally, I felt calm around Kelly. That was before I knew how her lips tasted. And the kiss she gave me once the door was closed behind us was a longed for reminder. It was meant to be just an affectionate greeting, but soon I found myself struggling to draw an adequate breath.

She took a step forward causing me to take one back. Then again until I realized she was heading for the couch. If my heart pounded any harder, I wouldn’t have heard the doorbell. I moved away sharply, startled by the sound, and she looked at me, confused.

“Pizza,” I said simply.

I didn’t think I could form a complete sentence just yet. I moved past her to get the door and a few seconds later, I was in front of her again, pizza in hand.

“Emelio’s?” Kelly asked when I set the box down on the coffee table.

“Yeah. I remember you saying it was your favorite place to order from when you would visit James. You know, non-hospital related visits. I’m surprised he never introduced us.”

“I was never in town for more than a few days. He talked about you sometimes, though. Made you out to be quite the badass,” she said, sitting on the couch. 

“Ah, and now you know-“

“That he didn’t do you justice,” she interrupted.

“I’m gonna get us some wine,” I said, unsure how else to respond.

“So what are we watching?” she asked, as I grabbed a bottle of red.

“Actually, I was going to let you pick. The shelf to the left of the TV has my little collection,” I replied, getting two glasses down from the cabinet.

She stood and walked to the shelf. Her head was tilted to the side as she read through the titles and I almost spilled mid-pour as I observed her. When I was done, I met her back in the living room and handed her a particularly full glass. 

“Thank you,” she said.

“You’re welcome. Any contenders so far?”

“I’m thinking Titanic,” she said, pulling it from the shelf.

“Perfect,” I said, taking the DVD from her.

I put it in the player and joined Kelly who was sitting in the middle of the couch. When I was settled to her right, she scooted closer to me before leaning forward for a slice of pizza. I got one as well, but when I sat back and Kelly’s free hand rested on my thigh, I couldn’t think much about eating.

Kelly had been to my apartment quite a few times by now, but for the first time, it made me nervous. When she finished eating, she snuggled more tightly to my side with her legs curled up beside her. I put my arm around her.. When she put her head on my shoulder, I smiled to myself and ran my fingers along her exposed upper arm. She sighed softly and I kissed her on the part of her head that I could reach without disturbing her. When I begrudgingly returned my attention to the movie, she shifted slightly and I felt her lips on my skin between my collar bone and neck.

As close as she was, she probably felt me swallow back a more guttural reaction. When she didn’t return to her resting position, I searched for the reason, moving only my eyes. I found that hers were on me and turned my head. She covered my lips with hers as soon as they were close enough and this time I couldn’t hold back the sounds of my enjoyment.

Unfolding her legs, Kelly was able to take the kiss a little further and while I wondered if she could hear the buzzing I felt all throughout my body, I also tried to maintain control of myself. The angle was awkward because we were still pretty much side by side, but soon her grip on my shoulders tightened as she steadily reclined until she was lying on her back, head resting on the arm of the couch.

I was more than tentative on top of her. I’d lost my balance when she shifted our positions and my left knee was between her legs. The heat coming off of her in delicious waves, making most of my skin flush. I brought my right knee to rest beside the other one, but I faltered once again when she grabbed my hips this time causing me to land haphazardly on top of her.

For a while, I stayed as still as I could, moving only my lips as we kept kissing. Although, it wasn’t long before my hands became impatient. At first, I was content to touch her arm, fingertips teasing under the sleeve. With her hands drifting up and down my back, I was lured out of my thoughts and into the moment. 

When a few minutes had passed like this, I felt the slightest upward movement of her hips under me and the rough drag of her jeans against mine made it even more noticeable. This time her moan was accompanied by my name. The sensation of her hot breath on my neck proved to be the line where my will power halted.

“Alex, wait,” she added, breath shuddering.

“I’m sorry. I got carried away,” I said, sitting up.

A second later, Kelly was beside me. Her hand was on my thigh and I could see in my periphery that she was waiting for me to look at her. I was embarrassed by how much I wanted her and I’d unintentionally pushed her too far. But I faced her anyway.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Look, I want to. Believe me. I just-“

“I get it. It’s too soon,” I interrupted.

The music playing over the iceberg scene in the background was too loud for this moment so I turned off the TV and looked back to her, trying my best to make sure I didn’t look as nervous as I felt.

“No. That’s not it. I just... I haven’t done this with anyone since... Well, you know. So it’s, it’s probably going to be pretty intense for me.”

Kelly was certainly a master at making me forget how to use words. And I tried not to let her see the pity I felt for her. I struggled to imagine what it would be like to lose TWO of the most important people in my life. Just the thought hurt more than I was prepared for. And Kelly never got to share this pain with anyone. 

Her hand that had still been on my thigh all this time, squeezed me gently. I knew she wanted me to say something, but I still couldn’t come up with anything. I was just stunned. And it wasn’t like I thought she’d be out with a new woman every week, but none in all this time? And I hadn’t even considered that when I was a minute from pulling her shirt over her head.

“I’m sorry,” I said for at least that reason.

“Stop apologizing. That isn’t why I brought it up. I just don’t know what it’s going to be like for me so I thought I should try to prepare you. And I don’t think it’s too soon,” she said.

“You don’t?” I asked, because even though I agreed with her, I didn’t understand why.

“No. See, technically, this is our first date. But we’ve spent every day together since I got into town. That’s like...” she trailed off.

Her eyes drifted up to the ceiling as she pretended to count on her fingers. 

“That’s a lot of dates, Alex.”

“Well, if what you’re saying is true, then I’d say we’re actually behind schedule,” I joked.

“See, now you’re getting it,” she said, standing up and pulling me with her via two hands wrapped around my right wrist.

As she led the way up to my bed, I noticed how short the distance was from my couch. We’d had these feelings for each other and managed to keep them contained when we were only a few yards from what was quickly happening now.

Kelly on her back in the middle of my bed was a sight I could definitely enjoy as often as she’d let me. And touching her was even better. Now, without the backrest of the couch impeding me, I knelt with her right thigh between my legs. My elbows dug into the mattress as I let myself rest mostly on top of her.

It was nearly the same position we’d been in a moment ago, but knowing that it was leading to sex made me almost as nervous as not knowing how Kelly was going to feel about it afterward. I was firmly planted in my head again and I knew she’d catch on soon if she hadn’t already.

In contrast, Kelly felt significantly more relaxed now even while her grip on my waist became more possessive. Her mouth on my neck helped relieve some of my stress and I let myself be absorbed into the way it felt. Her kisses traveled upward an inch at a time until she reached my mouth. 

The palm of her hand felt hot when she held me by the back of my neck and my lips vibrated with her moan. Every touch, on her part, seemed intentional and certain. Trying to mimic her confidence, I brought my fingertips to the inch of skin between the bottom of her shirt and the top of her pants.

When I did, she arched upward slightly and I slipped under the fabric, fingertips maintaining contact until my hand was snug between her shirt and bra. Even through the satin, the sensation of her pliant breast fully occupying my hand was enough to get me more worked up than I’d been in a long time.

At this point, I was breathing so heavily that I had to separate my lips from hers, but I used the small break to pull her shirt up, kissing anywhere I could. The muscles in her stomach jumped under my lips each time. A quick glance to take in her expression, confirmed that it was due more to arousal than nerves.

She sat up to make it easier and once her shirt landed on the floor, she had mine halfway off. I was about to remove her bra, but her patience ran out and she did it herself. Pulling me down with her, we were back to our previous position only now I could feel her skin flush against mine while her fingers worked at the clasps of my bra. For not having done this in a long time, she was quite efficient at it. I lifted my hands off the mattress one at a time when I felt the straps resting limply on my wrists.

She threw it to the floor without a second thought but didn’t rush to continue undressing either of us. I’d already decided to let her take the lead so we continued kissing shirtless for a while. I was enjoying it so much that I was content despite how badly my need for her pressed me to do more. Her breasts, without the fabric distraction, fit flush against my palm. At first, my hand just explored the surface of them, teasing around the already prominently displayed nipples. 

Then, when she moaned in a way that completely bypassed my ears and raced straight to the finish line between my hips, I became a little less delicate with my touch, allowing my fingers to knead firmly but comfortably into the tissue. My heartbeat was only drowned out by my breathing as her back arched again. It made just enough space between our bodies for her hands to meet one another at the button of my jeans. Taking the hint, I picked up my left elbow from the mattress and instead rested on that palm. I relinquished the breast in my right hand only long enough to undo her pants.

I went back to work, massaging the skin I was already familiar with as I fought against my nerves again. I teased around the waistband of her underwear a few times, but the closer I came to being inside her, the more I realized I wasn’t just afraid because of what Kelly said on the couch. This wasn’t a time I wanted to be thinking about Maggie. I accepted what happened and moved on and I saw a future with Kelly. I knew what we were doing was important. I hadn’t anticipated how much. Being with someone with this much feeling in it was something that hit me suddenly and heavily.

“Alex,” she said, her hand on my naked shoulder.

I snapped out of it and looked back at her, guilt already nudging my gut.

“Yeah?” I asked, trying to sound okay.

“Are you changing your mind?”

“No,” I answered quickly.

“It’s okay if you are.”

“I’m not. Just... I think I’m feeling just a little bit of what you’re probably feeling,” I answered.

Ordinarily, I wouldn’t be this vulnerable with anyone, but with Kelly it had been that way from the start. I had a feeling she was very good at her job. I was still on top of her and wondered if I should move. I wanted to just forget about how scary this was because it was so much more than just that. By this point, though, I’d probably killed the mood. 

“It’s normal.”

“I know. But I’m trying not to think about it because I don’t want it to hold me back. I really want you.”

“Then take me, Alex. I’m right here,” she whispered back.

It was almost like magic. Telling her how I felt melted the tension in my shoulders and I didn’t wait for her to tell me twice. I only got off of her to remove the final barriers to our apotheosis. Trapped between wanting to feel her skin again and wanting to see her naked and waiting, I stood still for a long moment. When the mattress gave to the pressure of my knees, I heard her breathing become less steady.

I was almost smug about it until I stopped breathing entirely upon feeling her wetness on my thigh when I leaned forward to kiss her. The hairs on the back of my neck stiffened the closer I got because her breathing and soft moaning in my ear was almost enough on its own to undo me. I knew that I was at least entirely wet because of it and I was a little embarrassed that she might feel it as it became too copious to contain.

My consciousness bounced from sensation to sensation, unable or unwilling to dwell on a single one for long. Every sense was engaged. Kelly smelled like her orange blossom body wash and it intermingled perfectly with the scent of her arousal as I elated in growing more familiar with it. The room was so quiet that even the moans she didn’t want me to hear echoed in the part of my brain that’s responsible for the burning ache that wasn’t getting any better.

While the salty taste of her sweat sheathed neck was delectable, I craved something more mellifluous and decided I’d waited long enough to bring her the pleasure her grinding hips were seeking. Her taut stomach was tickled by my hyperaware nipples and I made my destination clear. Landing between her thighs, I knew she could feel my shallow breath, cooling the soaked region before me. She gasped in surprise when my tongue reached inside of her, coaxing more of the deliciousness.

Folding my tongue was the best way to gather more of what I was after and her hips thrust toward me without the patience the woman usually had. If there was anything beyond my mattress right now, I wasn’t aware of its existence because I was drawn further into her with each needy clutch of her fingers in my hair. Her moans sounded far away as her thighs began to close in around my ears. My own excitement waxing because she was close.

Being the one to bring her to this moment, turned me on almost as much as the moment itself and I realized now that I’d been pressing my hips forward into the mattress for who knows how long. I halted my own hips as hers pushed higher off the bed, most of her muscles engaged in that final upward thrust, and I was determined to maintain this contact until she’d fully returned to the bed.

There was still a persistent fog in my mind but I fought through it to bring myself up to rest on her left side. The fingertips of my right hand stuttered across her damp skin as I waited for her to open her eyes.

“How are you feeling?” I asked when she did.

“A lot like a puddle,” she said, softly.

“Is that good?” I asked,

“Very. I highly recommend it,” she said, smiling softly yet topping me roughly.

Her right knee was between my legs and I couldn’t help the jerk of my hips when her upper thigh applied more pressure than I’d anticipated. I almost whined in frustration because I knew I was already close and it wasn’t going to take much from her. It didn’t say anything good about my stamina, but she just felt so practiced with two of her fingers already inside me and I hadn’t ever wanted anyone this badly.

She went slow from there, taking the time to stroke both fingertips over that one spot that I was starting to think was a myth. The discovery was a pleasant surprise and I felt myself pulling her in further. Now she was barely able to kiss me because the air between us was thick and hot, making uninterrupted breathing impossible enough. I didn’t realize how much I’d enjoy Kelly’s dominant side but before I could think too much about it, I was clutching her to me in a way that impeded her wrist movements. Her fingers kept working, though, and I let her topple me over the edge. I never thought I could feel so satisfied while still being dismayed that it was over.

When I’d started breathing normally again, we were lying on our sides, facing each other. Her pupils were still wide but harder to see with her steadily falling lids. The room still felt warm but I wanted to be closer to her and hoped she didn’t mind. She put a leg over my hip. The blankets were kicked somewhere to the foot of the bed but she seemed to care as little about it as I did.

“Well that was something,” I said, my hand resting on her waist. 

Her lazy smile grew broader before she kissed me again. I knew she could taste herself on my lips, but if I thought too much about how that made me feel, I’d never be able to calm down.

“I should go. It’s late,” she said when we parted.

“You can stay if you want,” I offered.

She didn’t answer right away and I worried that I was being too clingy.

“But, hey, no pressure. I’m not trying to rush anything,” I added.

“I’ll stay. Just promise you won’t get sick of me,” she replied, snuggling closer.

“Uh, that’s impossible,” I said.

“Good. I definitely need a shower, though.”

“Of course. I’ll get you a towel and your very own loofah.”

“Wow. Five-star service,” she said, amused.

“Be sure to leave a good review,” I said before a thought nagged at me again.

Kelly apparently sensed the quick change in my demeanor because she brushed her fingers through my hair and rested her hand on my chest.

“Something wrong?” She asked.

I felt the coolness on my hip as she pulled her leg back toward herself and rested on her elbow. I copied her so that I could see her better.

“No, I just... I wanted to ask you if you’re out to James. Because, you know, eventually he and Kara are going to find out and I just need to kind of prepare myself.”

“I’m not. But it’s not because I’m afraid or anything like that. There just hadn’t been a reason to tell him. And once there was, well, I couldn’t for other reasons. It’s not like that with you. I have no problem telling James about us.”

“What if he never talks to me again?”

“Alex, come on. It’s not like he’s going to think that you turned me,” she joked.

“You’re still his sister. I crossed a line.”

“Then so did I. You’re one of his closest friends. It’s not like we did this on purpose. Just let me talk to him.”

“Will you tell me when so I can expect my shovel talk?” I asked, feeling a little more lighthearted.

“Fine. Deal. Now go get me a towel, please,” she said, falling back to the pillow.

THE END


	2. Kelly

Jetting into town on a red eye to find out if my brother was still alive was scary enough. But when I knew he was okay, I sought the comfort of Alex Danvers. Being around her felt so normal even though all I knew about her was what I heard from James and Kara. She made me smile more than once amidst this mess and it surprised me every time. That was scary, too.

At first, I wasn’t going to tell her how she made me feel. She’d been so vulnerable after what happened with the adoption that I didn’t want her to have to deal with this, too. But the way she looked at me in the coffee shop, before I even came out to her, and every moment after, it seemed like she felt the same. Yet when I stood in front of her, letting it all out, I was still completely thrown when she kissed me.

I thought... Well, I didn’t think much of anything during the kiss. But after? We were supposed to go upstairs now and pretend we were just Kelly and Alex even though we were suddenly a little more than ourselves right now. Part of me wanted to just leave with her and keep this going, but Brainy and Nia had already seen us. Maybe-

“Say something,” she whispered, interrupting further thought on the matter.

There was a touch of anxiety wrapped around the words. Little did she know there was no need for it because I already knew I would be thinking about that kiss until I could have another one to imprint to my memory. I took a step closer to her, smiling because I couldn’t help it.

“I thought you did that so I would stop talking,” I replied.

The pensive look on her face worried me and I wished I knew what she was thinking. She granted my wish a moment later while we were walking to Kara’s door. I had mixed feelings about the fact that she wanted to keep us hidden. I’d done too much hiding. But I hadn’t even come out to James. 

How could I expect her to acknowledge us to her family when I was ill-prepared to do the same? Especially after what she’d been through with Maggie. After all, we’d only just kissed. I wanted more time to talk about it but instead I had to quickly return to ‘just friends’ mode when Kara flung the door open unexpectedly. I jumped about a foot back from Alex.

“Can I get you some wine, Kelly?” Kara asked as I watched Alex head to the kitchen. 

“Sure. That sounds great. Thank you,” I said. 

As she left to get it, I suddenly realized how uncomfortable it was to be sitting at a table with my brother and two people who knew a very big something that he didn’t. That made it even more difficult for me to play the role of Alex’s friend.

“Haven’t seen you much, sis,” James said. 

Brainy was shuffling the cards and distributing them and as much as he ‘didn’t see a thing’, his smirk said otherwise.

“Well, I know you don’t like when I hover. So, you’re welcome,” I said.

That was when Kara returned with Alex right behind her. Kara set a full glass in front of me while Alex took a seat next to my brother.

“Thank you,” I said.

We were playing Uno and I couldn’t help but think Alex exaggerated about the competitiveness of game night because it was more about luck than anything else. I sorted the cards in my hand by color and number, taking a sip of wine when I was done. The tart burn gave me a brief reprieve from trying to pretend I didn’t want to drag Alex to my hotel room. 

I’d decided before I even landed in National City that I had to stay. James had been my only family for a long time now and his spontaneity didn’t make me feel any more comfortable being so far away. And now I had a new reason. I needed to see what things could become between Alex and I because it had been too strong to ignore from the moment we met. 

I hadn’t planned to tell Alex about how she factored into my decision just yet, but I saw the immediate disappointment in her eyes when Kara brought up my anticipated departure. A feeling of warmth filled my chest at the thought that she’d miss me and I rushed to reveal my plans. 

I watched the pensive frown on her lips transform into a subtle smile as she visibly relaxed. That was the cherry on top and I needed her to know that she was someone I couldn’t leave behind. Anxious excitement crept into my gut as we prepared to leave. I didn’t really know what to expect now, being alone with her and having our feelings there in the open. 

During the walk to her car, she was quiet. Her body language told me precious little and, when we were finally inside the car, the silence became even more overbearing.

“You know, James isn’t the only reason I’m moving here,” I said.

She was driving now and part of me wanted to save this conversation for when we arrived at the hotel, but the slight change in her demeanor made it impossible for me to wait to get her talking. Was this all too much for her now that she’d had some time to process?

Either way, I had to be honest with her about what I felt and just had to hope she’d give me the same courtesy. I was talking, or rambling really, about how I wasn’t willing to give up what we’d just started. The red light in front of us reflected off of her face, deepening the shadows where it couldn’t reach and she stopped me with a kiss once again.

“Kelly, you know what point I’m at in my life. I’m ready to settle down and have a family. I’m worried that’s going to scare you off. If it doesn’t, then we’re off to a great start.”

‘Family’ was what stuck out for me. Alex’s status as a sometime-to-be mom definitely took me by surprise that day on the running trail. What surprised me more, though, was that it wasn’t a deal breaker for me. But what she’d said just now made me realize why it had taken this long just for a kiss.

We both had our fears because it wouldn’t be normal if we didn’t, but that wasn’t something she needed to worry about with me. The only thing about the adoption that I was unsure about was what my role would be in the child’s life. It was much too soon to concern myself with that, though, so I let the thought go for now.

Alex asking me to watch a movie with her tomorrow night was a pleasant way to be brought back to Earth. When she parked, I couldn’t help my frown. I wasn’t done spending time with her, but I had a feeling I never would be.

“Can I walk you up?” she asked. 

Despite how much thought the question provoked, I managed a smooth response. Wanting someone this badly was far from familiar, but it was so involuntary with her. I’d offered her a kiss but the truth was that I wouldn’t deny her more if things headed that way right now.

Even thinking that to myself made me blush and I hoped the dim light of the elevator hid it well enough. I reached for her hand and the nervous tightness in my stomach faded when I felt the gentle pressure. When we reached my floor, we walked slowly and I wondered if it was because she also wanted to make tonight last as long as it could.

More than anything, I wanted to invite her in. But that meant something different now than it did a few hours ago. Alex knew that, too. When she put her arms around my waist, my resolve just about crumbled to dust. That was when I gave her the kiss I’d promised. 

My enjoyment of it was only slightly dampened by the fact that I had to hold back. To not let everything spiral into one of the many scenarios I’d conjured in my mind for the last week. At the time, it was a fantasy that I fought against because, logically, I knew it wouldn’t do me any good. But Alex’s openness to that second chance we talked about was brave and unexpected.

The thought made me more unwilling to part from her. The kiss was rapidly getting deeper and the sounds of her fighting for breath coupled with one body part or another bumping against the door behind me was effectively rendering me helpless to stop things. It was up to Alex now.

When she did stop, I noted the reluctance and wondered where she kept such seemingly boundless stores of will power. She’d even managed to speak, which was something I was still struggling with.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said.

“Good night,” I replied.

I settled for kissing her on the cheek and going into the room before she felt like I was pressuring her to do something that she might not be ready for. Being alone in here after a night like tonight was almost too much and the heat wasn’t wavering. Lying on my back, now in my pajamas, I replayed tonight a few times, cautiously optimistic that I’d found my second chance.

“I brought you lunch,” I sang as I walked into my brother’s office. 

He looked away from his computer screen and looked at me, then the paper bag I’d just set on the coffee table. Then, he came over and sat on the couch next to me.

“You’re awesome. I don’t tell you that enough,” he said over the sound of crinkling paper.

“I must say I agree,” I teased, unwrapping my own sandwich.

It only took him a few minutes to devour the entire thing and he was already picking at my chips before I could even finish.

“So, what’s going on with you?” James asked.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I don’t know. You just seem different.”

“Bad different?” I asked, wiping my hand and mouth with a napkin. 

“No. Like... happy. You seem happier.”

I was happier and I guess I underestimated how much of that was obvious. Or maybe my brother was just better at reading me. Either way, I wasn’t ready to come out. Not unplanned like this. I needed to sit him down and have a real discussion about this because I knew it would be hard. Saying I liked women would actually be the easy part. Saying I liked Alex was the unknown variable that I struggled with.

“Of course I’m happy. I’m going to be able to visit you every day instead of a couple times a year,” I said.

“Well, I don’t know about every day,” he teased.

“Fine. Every other day. And that’s my final offer,” I said, glad to have sidestepped the issue for now.

I didn’t stay long because my impending date tonight made me barely able to keep my nervous energy hidden. I just needed to see him. Much of my time had been spent with Alex since I’d been here and while James was more than fine now, I still felt guilty about it.

I got to Alex’s apartment about fifteen minutes early and just sat in my car for a few minutes, thinking it was too early to go up. Last night played again unexpectedly and I could almost feel her hands on me again. Though I couldn’t help but laugh at how she had me reduced to a teenaged mindset.

A few calming breaths later and I was at her door. When she opened it, though, my progress back to responsible adult took another nosedive. One second I was telling myself to take things easy and the next second I had her halfway to the couch, my body close enough to hers to maintain the kiss. The sound of the doorbell almost overwhelmed my already racing heart.

“Pizza,” she explained.

I took the few seconds she was gone to collect myself as much as I could. When she came back and set the food on the coffee table, she mentioned how surprised she was that we’d never met before last week. I wondered about the timing of it all. I depended on Alex, who I didn’t really know, and she came through for me every time.

It was something I admired about her. I wondered, though, if it would have worked out the same if we’d met earlier. Could we have been together all this time? But we were together now so I didn’t think anymore about what may have been possible before. So much was still very possible.

“I was never in town for more than a few days. He talked about you sometimes, though. Made you out to be quite the badass,” I said, sitting on the couch. 

“Ah, and now you know-“

I sensed her self-doubt coming and was quick with the truth.

“That he didn’t do you justice,” I interrupted.

When she went to the kitchen to get us some wine, I knew she was embarrassed. Because Alex was a real hero, doing the right things because they were right and not so that people would tell her how great she was. But now I decided it was my mission to help her realize that she really was incredible and, most importantly, she was allowed to acknowledge it.

I heard the pop of the cork finally coming free from the bottle just before Alex asked me to pick the movie. I already had a few criteria as I looked over what she had. It had to be long so I could spend as much time as possible curled up next to her on the couch. No action movies (which she had quite an impressive collection of) because they would be too attention grabbing and I much preferred her attention to be easily drawn away.

As I neared the second row of DVDs I realized she’d alphabetized them and minor OCD tendencies never looked so good on someone. When I saw she had Titanic, I knew it was perfect. I took the overfilled glass of wine she offered me and wondered if it was any indication of her intentions.

When she asked for my movie choice, I picked it up off of the shelf. I sat in the middle of the couch because I sensed even more shyness in her than I had in myself and I didn’t want a whole cushion between us. As it was, she’d left about half a foot of space and I erased that distance, too. 

I held my plate in my hand while I waited for the pizza to cool and I put my other hand on her thigh in the mean time. I tried to read her face to see if I’d pushed her too far. I couldn’t plan for how it felt to be with her like this. Able to kiss if we wanted. To do more if we wanted. And all I did was want. 

Neither of us took more than a few bites of pizza and when our plates were forgotten on the coffee table, I got comfortable next to her, accepting her shoulder as my head rest. Having her arm around me made me feel safe and cared for. The brush of her fingertips on my upper arm made me feel something else.

Then, she kissed me on the head like we’d done this all the time and I wasn’t used to being both turned on and comforted. Alex was wearing a dark blue V-neck shirt and with her neck and much of her chest exposed, I was delighted to return her affection.

It was cute how she tried to pretend she was still watching the movie when I could see the fluttering pulse in her neck and the twitch in her jaw as she swallowed hard. But part of me wondered if her restraint meant that she wasn’t ready for more right now. The worry remained suspended in my stomach until she finally turned her head to look at me.

In her eyes was only invitation so I kissed her on the lips this time and I heard some strained moans escape her, and I readjusted my position on the couch to be able to pull her down on top of me. Her knee between my legs erased any lingering doubts of my own, but I could feel that she was nearly rigid with nerves, but she didn’t retreat.

I couldn’t help the needy way I grabbed at her hips when the other knee came to rest between my legs. Everything she did from there was so careful and I understood it. After what happened with her fiancée, well ex-fiancée, it would be weird if she wasn’t hesitant.

At first she barely even touched me, but the more time that passed, the more exploratory she became. Before my brain could relay the cease and desist, my hips pushed up into her and her name left my lips with a hot breath. But saying her name out loud, understanding finally what this all could mean, my own insecurities started to get the better of me.

I didn’t know what things had been like for Alex since Maggie. For me, though... If this got all the way to where it was quickly going, I didn’t know how it would make me feel. Which meant it wouldn’t be fair to Alex not to know. And I hated that the revelation came now, when I finally got Alex to let go.

“Alex, wait.”

“I’m sorry. I got carried away,” she replied. 

Almost immediately, she returned to where she’d been sitting at the start of the movie and I absolutely hated that I made her second guess herself. Especially after being the one to encourage her to begin with. I rushed to sit next to her. To quell the rushing thoughts she was probably having now.

I put my hand on her thigh for the second time tonight. This time it was to get her to look at me. She needed to truly hear what I said and know that I meant it.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Look, I want to. Believe me. I just-“

“I get it. It’s too soon,” she interrupted.

She turned the TV off and the sudden quiet was intimidating. Especially because I only had a second to process. That’s what had been so difficult for her. Alex was trying to hold back because despite my many embarrassingly clear intentions, she still feared that I didn’t want this.

I tried not to smile because she wouldn’t know what it meant and the way she chewed on her lower lip urged my response.

“No. That’s not it. I just... I haven’t done this with anyone since... Well, you know. So it’s, it’s probably going to be pretty intense for me.”

I hoped that making myself this vulnerable to her would show her that it would all be okay no matter what happened tonight or any other night. As long as we were communicating, I knew everything would be fine. I was dying for her to say something, though, so I could have some idea of what she was thinking and when all she said was ‘I’m sorry’, I wondered why she thought she had to say that.

Things were so heavy now. So serious. That wasn’t what either of us wanted tonight to be. She knew what I needed her to know now and if she wanted to keep going, I had no objections. She did nothing to hide the shock on her face when I told her I didn’t think it was too soon for us to move to this next step.

I never really thought that way. Because while I had this emotional hurdle, I was sure about what I felt for Alex. Besides the fact that we knew each other better over the course of a week and a half than others do after months together. She seemed to be on the same page once I explained it that way and I was happy to move past it with her.

I took the lead which had the dual benefit of showing her that I was ready to move on with her and returning her to her previous state of arousal. Eventually we made it to the bed and soon found ourselves rejoining a program already in progress.

Her weight and warmth heightened the intimacy, but when I looked into her eyes I saw more thinking than feeling. I didn’t hold it against her because I couldn’t even be sure mine weren’t doing the same. I clutched at her waist like I’d done on the couch, only more firmly. Like a jolt back to the present for us both. To keep her there, I kissed her neck. The wetness I’d left behind shone despite the dimmed lights and I took my time getting to her lips, cementing her in this sensation. 

It seemed to be working because when I gripped the back of her neck with one of the hands that was holding her in place above me, her hips pushed forward and I couldn’t stop the resulting moan in time. Especially when her right hand moved and her fingertips teased at the hem of my shirt.

My chest jutted toward her. The action was immediately rewarded with perfect pressure from her hand on my breast. I thought she’d circumvent the bra entirely, but she was taking her time and I was beginning to feel the desperation that comes with delayed gratification.

I thought something was wrong when she pulled away, but the way she drank in oxygen told me enough. She surprised me by lifting up my shirt and placing sporadic kisses on my stomach. Wondering where her questing kisses would land next made me helpless beneath her. 

I sat up, pleased that she knew what I wanted. I was promptly shirtless and was eager for us to match. I took off my bra before falling back to the bed and she rested on the palms of her hands, one on either side of my shoulders. When I managed to unfasten Alex’s bra, I felt it drop to my own bare chest and I threw it to the floor. 

At that point, I realized how much of this had been my doing and the next steps were hard to take, each of us knowing what the other had been through. Alex returned her hand to the breast it had been introduced to before only without the barrier. Each touch drove me deeper into my need for her. I scarcely remembered how much I enjoyed this until Alex reminded me.

An almost familiar shiver pulsated through me and I didn’t know how long I’d last if I was already this aroused from what she was doing now. I tried to use my body to communicate again because my mouth was only good for kisses and moans right now. When the hint went unacknowledged I took matters, and the button of her jeans, into my own hands.

I could feel her oscillating between her desire to continue and her fear of... I wasn’t quite sure what she was afraid of. But she mirrored me and soon her fingertips were agonizing inches from feeling the effects of what she’d been doing to me tonight. They never reached their destination, though, and now I was feeling more and more like this was something I was forcing on her. 

I told her I was ready. Maybe she wasn’t. Maybe she didn’t think I’d want to wait. I certainly hadn’t held back. My instinct was to feel guilty about it. She really did believe it was too soon and I’d just talked my way into her pants. That wasn’t how I wanted to do this.

“Alex,” I said.

“Yeah?” she asked.

“Are you changing your mind?” I asked.

“No,” she answered immediately.

“It’s okay if you are.”

“I’m not. Just... I think I’m feeling just a little bit of what you’re probably feeling,” she said.

Finally, I knew for sure the source of her reluctance. In fact, it was strange because that was how I expected to feel. I was afraid that when she touched me, I would be too overcome with thoughts. Like thoughts about how I was letting go of my life before Alex. Of the woman I loved so much I thought I’d die with her. I understood my mother’s reaction at my father’s funeral much better after that.

“It’s normal,” I said, forcing those thoughts away for now.

“I know. But I’m trying not to think about it because I don’t want it to hold me back. I really want you.”

That last sentence was what got me. The warmth I could still feel between her legs told me that. The taut flesh tipping her breasts told me that. The unquenchable hunger of her kisses told me that. But when she said it with her words, it fixed things in a way that made it seem just way too easy. Something being easy was new and exciting. Like this moment with her.

“Then take me, Alex. I’m right here,” I whispered back.

That must have been the case for her too because, without another second of hesitation, she finished undressing both of us. My excitement caused my breath to shudder and it only became more noticeable when she finally met me back on the bed. 

When she kissed me again, the pressure of her thigh between my legs was distracting. I was mainly focused on the knowledge that she could feel my wetness on her skin and just the thought forced a moan that she echoed. When her own painted my hip, I briefly wondered if one could die from becoming too aroused.

I only barely remembered her tongue on my neck because she was rapidly descending and there was precious little time to savor the trek. I felt only a single breath against the straining nerve endings between my legs, preceding the touch of her tongue by only a second. It was foolish of me to think I’d reached the height of my excitement because this felt better than absolutely everything else.

If I’d wanted to, I couldn’t stop the way my hips followed her tongue. I didn’t think about the way my fingers fisted in her hair because I really couldn’t think at all. I was too close at this point and, even though I wanted to draw this out, I wasn’t in control of that anymore.

The way her tongue fit inside me was like a key turning a lock that held back so much that I was unwilling to keep sequestered for a second longer. I hoped she could breathe because the involuntary squeeze of my thighs and lift of my hips was beyond my ability to stop until the muscles were finally fatigued a few seconds after I’d been tipped, not so delicately, into my long-awaited release.

Before I could recover, she was beside me. The random patterns she drew on my hip kept me tethered to the intimacy of the moment and I knew she was brimming with the need for more even as she asked how I was feeling.

“A lot like a puddle,” I replied, barely able.

“Is that good?” she asked.

She had to know it was, but she wanted to hear me say it and that was fine with me. Was it pride or insecurity? It didn’t matter, I guess, as long as I reassured her.

“Very. I highly recommend it,” I said, pinning her suddenly.

I copied her position from before, a thigh between her legs, but didn’t expect the unrestrained way she pressed up into it.

Her eagerness only built when once I was inside her and the ease with which I entered her proved just how precariously she was dangling at the edge of orgasm. I slowed down because I wasn’t about to let her go just yet. It wasn’t to tease her. I just wanted to enjoy the way she felt clenched around me, knowing that grip would be much tighter soon.

In lieu of depth, I sought the differently tender spot just barely inside her and I knew I’d reached it when when her fevered exhalations grew more rapid. Her body wrapped around mine to the point where my hand was nearly rendered ineffective, but the lessening space inside her told me the need for that had passed.

She was already rolling onto her side and I just let myself fall limply beside her, unable to stop the feeling of affection that only grew when I bore witness to her sated expression. I rested with my leg across her hip wondering how much of the moisture was sweat and how much wasn’t. 

“Well that was something,” she said.

It made me smile. I had to kiss her. The taste of myself on her tongue turned the heat up once again and if I didn’t leave now, I might overwhelm her with how much I demanded her touch.

“I should go. It’s late,” I said.

“You can stay if you want,” she offered.

I wanted to stay with her. To hold her and wake up with her. I was just taken aback by how small and shy she sounded despite the progression of the evening’s events.

“But, hey, no pressure. I’m not trying to rush anything,” she added.

I realized I hadn’t answered yet and she was probably panicking, thinking she’d asked too much of me. 

“I’ll stay. Just promise you won’t get sick of me.”

“Uh, that’s impossible,” she said.

“Good. I definitely need a shower, though,” I added, finally feeling the discomfort from all this stickiness.

“Of course. I’ll get you a towel and your very own loofah.”

“Wow. Five-star service,” I joked.

“Be sure to leave a good review,” she teased back.

But then she grew quiet and I wondered what was happening inside her head. My fingers found their way to her hair much more gently than earlier and I followed the strands to where they ended at her jawline, eventually coming to a halt on her bare chest, the flutter of her heart palpable.

“Something wrong?” I asked.

I moved to rest on my elbow because I hoped it would encourage her to talk openly and we were face to face again, her eyes looking between me and the mattress between us.

“No, I just... I wanted to ask you if you’re out to James. Because, you know, eventually he and Kara are going to find out and I just need to kind of prepare myself.”

She tried to make it seem like it was a simple passing thought, but I could tell from the way she’d said it that it was something she’d been thinking about.

“I’m not. But it’s not because I’m afraid or anything like that. There just hadn’t been a reason to tell him. And once there was, well, I couldn’t for other reasons. It’s not like that with you. I have no problem telling James about us.”

“What if he never talks to me again?”

“Alex, come on. It’s not like he’s going to think that you turned me,” I joked.

“You’re still his sister. I crossed a line.”

“Then so did I. You’re one of his closest friends. It’s not like we did this on purpose. Just let me talk to him.”

“Will you tell me when so I can expect my shovel talk?” she asked.

She laughed afterward even though I knew she wasn’t joking.

“Fine. Deal. Now go get me a towel, please,” I acquiesced, collapsing back to the comfort of her bed.

THE END


End file.
